Monday night I took the kids with me to the grocery store and endured some of the brattiest behavior ever from my children - complete with whining, screaming, crying, jumping out of the cart, and Katie doing everything in her power to not get in the car (because I wouldn't buy her a book that she saw that she wanted). She proceeded to get out of her carseat (without unbuckling it it) while we were on the way home and was standing in the seat. When we finally got to the house, I carried her in and put her in timeout at which point she completely undressed, intentionally peed on the floor, and threw everything she could get her hands on. This behavior continued the entire evening, and at bathtime she was immediately put into her room after hitting Tyler (with a bath toy - and she had already been hitting and scratching both of us) and wasn't allowed to finish her bath. She was kicking and screaming, slamming doors, throwing clothes, and taking her pajamas off up until Lance got home when she finally calmed down. It, honestly infuriates me that he has never seen her behavior at that level, because he really seems to think I am exaggerating when I tell him that it is truly out of control and that it is not just me overreacting or worrying too much about what others think. It is actually rare for her to act up like that at home, since she much prefers to humiliate me in public and at school, and by the time he got home she had to be exhausted since it was the most prolonged tantrum I have ever seen.
Yesterday she did not want to leave the playground at school and when I picked her up off of the tricycle she was riding she began to hit, scratch and bite me. When I put her down for fear of dropping her, she darted out of the classroom. I chased after her, yelling to one of the teachers to please watch Tyler, and only caught up with her when she had gotten out of the front double doors and was heading toward the busy parking lot. I brought her back in and put her in the "principal's" office while I went to get Tyler and as I was walking out of the classroom with him I see her dart by with two teachers running behind her yelling for her to stop. I left Tyler again and chased her all around the back building and playground and then had to pick her up again and endure being hit, scratched and bit some more. Today, she is not being violent or yelling, but has reverted back to taking all of her clothes off and on the playground today she removed her clothes and ran to the back of the very large playground and hid, completely naked. She was brought to my office after the second time of this when she repeatedly said that the reason she was doing it was because she wanted "my mama," and didn't want to be at school. This behavior was the reason for the referral, not the tantrums - because undressing and running away in public just cannot keep happening!
I truly do think that the main reason for the clothes removal is to get attention, and I fear that it won't stop until she is not at school at the same place that I work (because she knows that here she will get to see me if she continues to act up). I have read all of the advice on what to do with your child having tantrums - time-out, she has to physically be held in a spot or if she is in her room she kicks the doors, throws things at the wall, and destroys anything she can get her hands on; notice, compliment and reward good behavior - we constantly do that and she seems to understand and be proud of the acknowledgment but can't handle herself when she loses her temper; communicate to find out why she is angry - every single time we try to find out what is wrong and it is either something we can't control (like I have to go to work), or she wants something that she doesn't need (like the book). The hitting, scratching, kicking thing - the only solution I have read is to put her in time-out, but I can't seem to find an answer as to how to keep her in that spot and not running away (if we are say in a grocery store and not near her room), or how these books propose that I take care of my other 3 year old when she is demanding so much attention in public. These things that I keep reading seem to say mainly the same thing, "the problem is often inept, inconsistent parenting. I feel like we are consistent, and we do our best to do as they say by controlling our tempers, enforcing rules that are reasonable and using discipline that they can understand - but obviously something is going wrong somewhere.
There are tons and tons of books and articles about the "Torturous Threes," and the "Tantrum Threes," and hopefully we are nearing the end of what I am praying is just a stage. It is really a shame, because for the most part I love this age, and the kids are typically funny, and engaging, and just fun to be around - but they are also stubborn, strong-willed, smart little things who are testing every single boundary and learning how to be independent and that can certainly be challenging! We'll see how the "intervention" goes - although I truly don't think that this behavior is that atypical in terms of tantrums and acting out - just the way she is expressing it - and I will continue to wish to win the lottery so I can quit work, make a donation to ease my guilt of leaving my job, and none of us will have to go to "school"for the next couple of years, unless we want to :)! I have implemented stage one of operation Stop Katie from Undressing, on the advice of a friend and we'll see how that goes too. The suggestion was to put her in clothes that can't easily be removed. Katie has been warned that if she undresses again she will be forced to put on jeans (much hated still), and a shirt that has buttons in the back and will no longer be allowed to wear the dress or skirt. The hard to get off clothes will be in her cubby and will be what she has to wear the next time she undresses. We'll see how it goes!
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