Umm, maybe not...

When we bought our  house I was super excited about it being in the neighborhood and school zone that we wanted, with a gorgeous view to be enjoyed in the outdoor living space that we longed for, with no stairs to climb (if I don't want) every day, and yes, room for the kids to play now and when they are older (basement).  I do love that the kids are able to have neighborhood friends over, and play until it gets dark in our yard and those of their friends.  I was way too idealistic, though, about what that playtime would look like!  I envisioned basketball games and legos, video games and putting contests (and that happens), but did not realize that I would also be thrust into the role of "mean mom" with other people's kids!

Two weekends ago we had a stray cat hanging around.  Lance is very allergic, and did not want anyone encouraging the cat to stay, mostly because Marley hates cats and is too old to protect herself, but also because Lance isn't a big fan either.  One of Tyler's friends has a younger sister who sometimes plays with Katie.  She was over at the house and repeatedly picked up the cat.  I told her, also repeatedly, not to pick up the cat and eventually told her that she would have to go home if she wouldn't listen.  Well, about ten minutes later the two boys come running into the house acting as if they are looking for something.  I stop them and ask what they are searching for and they sheepishly tell me that they thing the "cat got in the house."  I yell down to the girls thinking they are in the basement and out walks the little sister from Katie's bedroom (where she is without Katie) with the cat in her arms.  Lance and I immediately begin to yell to her to go back in and close the door because Marley saw the cat right at that moment.  Marley runs up to her, the little girl drops the cat who immediately starts clawing at Marley and running.  Lance manages to grab Marley - I grab the cat and take it outside, and firmly tell the little girl that the cat is not allowed in the house and that she is not to pick it up again.

We had a few other nuisances - silly string and something goopy all over the basement carpet and outside, spilled drinks and ants, chalk paint created from water that was all over our front walkway, stairs and anything that anyone touched (doors, windows, furniture), and more doors slammed than you would think possible.  So, this weekend, I told my kids ahead of time that nobody would be allowed upstairs but that everyone was welcome to play outside and downstairs.  We had, at one point, seven children (four boys and three girls), running around like banshees with me reminding some to go downstairs, and others not to lock the girls in the closet or swing golf clubs and baseball bats at people's heads.  It was complete chaos, and when the little girl of cat debacle fame came out of the upstairs bathroom right as I walked back in from having to yell at someone and threw down her used toilet paper in my kitchen, complained of being hungry and then inexplicably started crying because she fell in the garage and was hurt (I don't doubt that she fell, but it wasn't just then) - I had to send her home.  I asked her brother to take her to his mom, and he came back to get her shoes and said he wasn't allowed to stay without his sister.  Then their mom invited the kids over for chocolate chip cookies but I wouldn't let them go because they had friends at our house that they couldn't leave who weren't invited and everyone was grumpy so it became time for everyone to leave.  I probably over-reacted, but I was definitely at my wits end!

It's a shame that the Sunday chaos has clouded what was otherwise an awesome neighborhood friends weekend.  Friday night they were back and forth between a neighbors house having dance parties, and playing basketball and golf and soccer and tennis, and went to bed exhausted after a fun and active evening.  Saturday a friend was camping in their backyard and invited the kids over for hot dogs and marshmallow roasting, and they played in the tent some and then headed home when it started raining in earnest.  It was fun, and the kids really love having the independence to play without being watched, and to go between houses and run around and just be kids.  I love it, too, but I don't love being a rules enforcer and feeling like kids are destroying my house at every turn.  Hopefully we can find a good balance - they learn to understand that they need to stay downstairs (not much to ruin down there) or outside, my kids learn what pushes my buttons (being wild and out of control, mostly) and can tell their friends when they are crossing the line - and maybe I will get up the nerve to tell my neighbor that I just don't think her little girl (she is 5) is quite ready for neighborhood playtime :)!

The things that are important

We are at the point in the school year where we need more time in each day! I still haven't gotten the kids to do thank you cards from their birthday party - I am ashamed, but we will get them out soon (minus the personalized thank you for the gift received since Tyler puked on the list).  I feel like my brain is constantly running through things we need to do, places we need to be, and arrangements that need to be made (sitters, school lunch payments, etc.), and seemingly every day it is bedtime for the kiddos before I know it (and sometimes before I have even gotten around to preparing dinner or demanding that the kids take baths).

Yesterday, though, I was reminded repeatedly to take a moment to appreciate our fun and love-filled busy lives.  I met Lance for lunch and we talked about it being exactly one year from when Ray-Ray had the stroke.  Tyler and Lance have both been crying and sad, but we try to tell the kids and remember ourselves, to be grateful for the time we had and for each day that we have with all of our family now. Then, I was rushing around at work trying to leave a bit early so I could pick up the kids and get them home and fed before Tyler's baseball game (started at 7:00 - was supposed to be there at 6:30) and was mentally congratulating myself on actually making good time and being on the ball for a change, when a pretty bad accident happened right in front of me.  A car from the other two lanes of traffic shot across four lanes and t-boned the car in front of me going the other direction.  It was determined later that the car that caused the accident clipped the bumper of another vehicle turning into the gas station which catapulted him across - but from my viewpoint (and the other witnesses and driver who was hit) it looked like he slammed on the gas and lost control!  I got out of my car and ran to the driver who was hit (an off-duty fireman stopped to help the guy in the other vehicle who was very seriously injured), and then called 911 and was asked by the fireman to relay information about the condition of the man in the car that hit the driver in front of me.  The driver of the car that was hit was shaken up and had some cuts and scrapes (and his glasses flew off into the middle of the road which I just happened to find) - but did not have serious injuries and climbed out of his passenger seat on his own accord.  I was blocked in by emergency vehicles and thought I needed to stay as a witness to the accident (although the police officer didn't ask any questions of me), so I was suddenly in an unexpected time crunch.  The schedule delay, though, was definitely put into perspective when I recognized that a difference in just a few seconds could have meant I was the one hit (there was no time to react and the driver in front of me could have done nothing to avoid the accident), or I could have walked up to a much more serious situation with the other driver (I do think the driver who was injured will be okay - he just definitely needed an ambulance ASAP).  It impressed upon me that bad things can happen in seconds, and you never know when your life will change drastically.

So, instead of being stressed about being late (which we were), or that the kids had not eaten anything (unless pop-tarts and icees after the game count) - we enjoyed a beautiful evening at the ball park - watching Tyler learn to play and love baseball, spending time as a family, and yes, being grateful that we all have each other.

Game Ball!

Tyler's first baseball game of this season happened this weekend.  He was excited to get out there and play (and to learn that they get icees after games in this league too).  He struggled a bit in the first game.  This is his first year playing machine pitch and it takes some getting used to!  Not to mention that this is also the first year they are playing "real" baseball - with strikes and outs and learning to throw the ball where it needs to be rather than just to first base.  Before, all of the boys got to bat and run the bases.  Now, you get five machine pitches (but three strikes) and aren't guaranteed to get on base.  So, in the first game he didn't get a hit in his two at-bats.  He was discouraged (although he did like that he fouled one over the backstop), but I tried to let him know that if he kept working at it he would get it.  Well, in the second game he did seem to "get it" more, and did great!  He had two really good hits, caught a ball for an out and threw another for an out at home - and generally just seemed to be beginning to understand (and enjoy) the game.  The coach gives one player a game ball after each game and Tyler earned it for the second game!  He was ecstatic!!!

We have a little drama with the kids - but we always knew it was coming and hopefully are prepared to handle it in a way that is positive for both of them.  Tyler received letters in his school folder yesterday addressed to us (and they were stapled and he didn't open them - I had to praise him for that since it is not like him not to be nosy/curious) that said he was being invited to participate in advanced reading and math classes.  He asked why he had to do it and we explained that it was a good thing - that they would give him some fun and challenging math and reading activities to work on (instead of him having seemingly constant time to doodle - which he likes, I know).  Katie overheard the conversation and asked us why she didn't get to do it, too.  That is a tough one to explain to two kids that are used to sharing everything, doing all of the same things, and being equally praised.  Katie is a great student and is very bright and she is an awesome athlete (something she hasn't realized yet - but that will almost certainly become apparent as they get older), but she doesn't need or want extra academic challenges.  Tyler is not as good of a student when looking at classroom behavior and staying on task, but his brain really does seem to work differently than a lot of other children, and he truly enjoys learning new math concepts and problem solving, and deciphering puzzles and reading books that are well above grade level.

 I think this time devoted to different types of work will be great for him - just like I think it would be miserable for Katie.  She deals with school work and does what the teacher asks, but really just looks forward to recess, lunch and any other time she can be social and silly.  She is still upset, though, that she feels like Tyler is getting to do something she doesn't and she said "Tyler is smarter than me and everyone knows it."  We explained to her that they are both very smart, that we are proud of both of them for trying hard and giving everything their best effort,  that everyone is different (teachers included), and that all things are not going to be the same as they get older (we used the example of eagle feathers that they receive for good behavior or answering questions in the classroom that can then be used to "purchase" things from the school store - Katie had more than 80 and bought something yesterday while Tyler only had 40 or so and didn't have enough to buy what he really wants).  I foresee this situation arising for many years to come - when one of them makes a team and the other doesn't, when one is invited to something that the other is not, etc., etc.  We will deal with it as best we can, and hope that we can ensure that both kids are confident and and proud of their unique talents and strengths, and maybe we can even convince them to be proud of each other, too!

Bad Parent

My children like school (so far)!  They are bright, and eager to learn and do well in class and on tests and assessments, and with reading and math, and with projects, etc., etc.   Each evening I check K & T's folders to see what has been sent home,and check to see if there is anything I need to sign or stay on them to get completed.  If  I notice that they have gotten anything incorrect on graded work I sit down with them and make sure they understand it (or get Lance to if it is math since new math is too much for me).  I sit with Katie and try to get her to work on her handwriting and remember when words need to be capitalized.  We make math flash cards, and I give spelling tests.  We really do make school and learning a priority.  It just isn't always the top priority.

I received an email this morning from Tyler's teacher that today was the third time Tyler didn't finish his homework.  I reminded her that last Wednesday he received a "homework pass" because it was his birthday, but she's basically correct. One Thursday when it seemed we had a million things to do at work and outside of work and when we were scrambling to get home, get everyone fed and get to baseball practice at 7:00 -  I let it slide.  Then, last night, I did it again. Granted, I didn't realize last night that what he didn't do actually was his daily homework ( it was just a worksheet torn from a Common Core Curriculum book that said Monday and Tuesday on it and I thought the teacher was just showing what they would have worked on Monday if they had been in school and what they had done that day), but it wouldn't have hurt to do it anyway, just in case. 

Last night, instead of doing what I now know was homework, we watched Katie, who was dressed from head to toe in gifts she received for her birthday, dance around being the "purple Princess Fairy."  We saw some good US Open tennis on TV (the kids thought it was funny that sisters - Serena and Venus Williams - were playing against each other instead of playing doubles), and had an interesting discussion with Tyler.  He asked Lance how much he makes when he sells a house (he has really been trying to get a handle on what things cost, what you need to make to pay bills, etc.).  Tyler has a good grasp of math concepts so Lance explained percentages and had Tyler working out the commission if he sold a $100,000 house and got 3% but had to give 20% of that to his boss and set some aside for taxes (then we had to explain taxes).  Working it all out in his head (without paper), and before I was able to get the answer - Tyler figured it out! That led to Katie wanting to get in on the "prove what math you know" action - and a pretty nerdy (but worthwhile, I think) family discussion ensued.  By the time I realized that it was getting late we had just enough time for their required 30 minutes of nightly reading (has to be in their reading log and both kids are very particular about writing exactly how many minutes and pages of what books they have read), and it didn't even cross my mind to have Tyler complete the worksheet.  

Tyler told his teacher that he didn't have time to do his homework.  That is obviously untrue, but I totally see how a 7 year old, with a parent who undervalues "busy work" and thinks family time and being active is very important, could think that.  He could have done it in aftercare, but to him that is when he gets to play basketball, and build things with legos and blocks with friends that aren't in his class - not homework time (and since they have PE only twice a week - I like him getting to play some, too).  He could have done it instead of going to his tennis lesson (for obvious reasons I think it is great to have a sport you enjoy, though).  He could have done it while eating dinner, or taking a bath, or instead of a bath, I guess (but probably not such a good idea since he did go to tennis and play basketball).  He could have done it instead of the required 30 minutes of reading he did from 8:30 - 9:00 (30 minutes after we would really like for them to be in bed anyway).  And he definitely could have done it instead of the 30 minutes we spent after dinner sitting on the porch doing "nothing."  

The point is, that he definitely could have gotten it done - there would just have to be a trade-off.  Tyler and I are now both in trouble with his teacher.  I do understand that it is important to fulfill your responsibilities and that kids learn to be more disciplined and accountable when they have to complete homework.   I know that I have to be the one to tell him that homework is not optional.  I have to be the one to tell him that we would love for him to sit and talk with us, or that yes, we will accept his challenge of a game of HORSE, but only AFTER his homework is done.  So, instead of explaining to the teacher that we typically don't get home until 6:00, that yes we do play soccer and baseball and that we actually think those activities are as valuable as a busy work homework sheet, that I generally like for my kids to bathe and eat regularly and that those two things do take time each evening, that the amount of sleep they get now results in their current "good behavior" and that she definitely does not want to see tired Tyler, and that I honestly don't think it is a big deal that my 7 year old isn't spending an hour a night concentrating on school (especially since every piece of work sent home has doodles and drawings on the back as if class time is not being maximized), I will just vent here :)!  I will definitely work on being a better parent, too.  I will make Tyler re-prioritize homework (Katie does not have homework).  I will assure the teacher that we will make every attempt to turn in work daily. And I will  try to make sure that, despite the kids having two working parents and probably more activities than they should, they don't feel like they don't have time to do their homework, play outside, AND enjoy family time for as long as they will indulge us!  

Birthday Celebration

Well - the birthday party was this weekend and the kids had a blast!  The adults were mostly just hot - but I was glad for no rain.  They set the inflatable up in the morning and with the exception of when we made them go with us to Publix to pick up the cake and ice, and last minute party supplies - the kids played all morning and then during the party and then some after!  We definitely got as much use out of the slide and bouncer as we could!  The slide was on a slight downhill and it was pretty serious!  The kids were flying down it and I was afraid the whole time that someone was going to get hurt (a girl did fly off the end after the party and I put a stop to the kids going down at that point - figure we had pushed our luck to the limit)!  Lance and I tried it out, as well, and once was enough for me.  I almost ended up on the grass, too!  It really was fun, though, and the kids said it was the "best party ever" so I'm glad we finally relented and let them have a big blow-out. There were about 25 kids in attendance which made it pretty chaotic, but really fun!

A few pics!

 Notice how perilously close to the edge she is and then that she doesn't land until the corner (often with a face plant)!   

  Katie looks "thrilled" - I think there was some kind of debate over who got the cake toppers!  

Because we are insane, we let the celebration continue on Monday!  A client of Lance's gave us four tickets to Holiday World.  We had never been and had heard that it was fun - and since we love water parks we wanted to go when it was still open.  That meant Monday after the party was the only day we could do it - so, exhausted and worn out after our big day on Sunday (and with some things still not put away from the party - but oh, well) we drove to Santa Claus, Indiana to spend the day at Holiday World.  It was awesome!  They have great water slides and play areas and we didn't even get to do everything in the water part.  We definitely didn't hit all of the areas of the amusement park side either (they have Christmas, Thanksgiving, Halloween, and 4th of July sections) - but we did some rides, too!  We were all worn out with aching legs (the park is surprisingly hilly, and we had been running around all day on Sunday) so we left at about 4:30.  We all wanted to do more, but the walk to the car confirmed that we left when we needed to!  It was a great day and we will definitely go back.  My phone (aka camera) died almost immediately so I didn't get many pictures (couldn't have anyway when we were in the water park - where we spent most of our time), but it was so kitschy (in a really fun way) that I wished I could get more!  The whole time it reminded me of Wally World on National Lampoons Vacation and they even played "Holiday Road" a few times while we were there - it was great!

Happy Birthday, Kiddos!

Well, as hard as it is to believe - the kiddos are 7 years old!

They had to spend the day of their actual birthday at school and didn't seem to enjoy that too much!  They took treats, and were sang to on the bus, but I guess they didn't think there was enough "celebration."  That night, though, we went to one of their favorite restaurants - the Japanese steakhouse - and had a great birthday dinner.  We lucked out and got a great hibachi chef who was really engaging, and the highlight (for Tyler, at least) was the birthday song accompanied by the gong and then our family picture posted on the wall!

 Tyler jumped the gun - he was anxious to blow out his candle and get into the cake (or as he says - "cheesecake, one of my favorite kinds of cake"). 

 Katie didn't want to mess up the chocolate writing! 

 They both caught shrimp being thrown at them!

Their birthday party is this weekend and it should be fun and definitely celebratory!  They didn't get to invite all of their new classmates (we thought that would be a bit awkward since we are new to the school and didn't necessarily want a bunch of strangers hanging out at the house), but we did invite friends from sports teams, and playing at the pool, and that they know through friends of ours, and in-town family that they really want to be there - so I think there will be enough people to give it a true party atmosphere even if the entire class (as is mandated if one is invited) isn't there.  I think they will look back and feel like 7 is special even though, so far, I think they have their doubts.  That is mostly our fault -  a while back we gave them the choice of a party or presents from us, but not both (we offered a smaller get together and presents, or a big party and no gifts).  They chose the party and we stuck to the no presents thing (I know, most people are saying we are really mean - but the parties are expensive and they don't need a thing toy-wise), but hopefully having fun with their friends and family on Sunday will be worth the wait!