Bribery Still Works

Well, Katie was still whining and crying all day yesterday to the point that one of the teachers approached me again to make sure nothing was going on that they needed to know about, and reminded me that it has been three weeks now (which she made seem like too long). So, today I used an old trick - bribery. Katie has a "Hello Kitty" purse that she loves and I told her that if she could be a big girl and not cry at school she could take it with her and put it in her cubby. Today she waltzed right in to her classroom with her purse over her shoulder and didn't even give a whimper. I don't know how long it will last, but I am certainly not above a little bribery of that sort if these are the results!

Last weekend we went to the zoo with Ray Ray and So So. It was a bit cold, but fun to get out and especially to see a sneak peek of the dinosaurs that are coming in two weeks!!! We'll certainly be back since Tyler was wide-eyed over the size of the one dinosaur's teeth that we saw and he has no idea that there are about 15 more that he will get to see once the tour/display opens! For now, they were just as happy getting to ride on the carousel, play on the playground (that still freaks me out because it is huge with lots of hiding places, twists, and turns), and see animals more up close than usual.

Tyler was a little daredevil on the playground - wouldn't give up on making it up the climbing net and no fear on the high, twisty slide. This was just a little break while everyone else was getting all the details on the dinosaurs!

No big plans for the weekend, although in addition to Selection Sunday - my birthday is also this Sunday :). Lance seems to remember (is replacing my broken kindle as a gift) and is trying to find a way for us to get out on Saturday night if we can get a sitter, but I know that he is more excited that it is the SEC tournament and almost time for March Madness!

Crying, Clinging Katie?

Unfortunately, this week Katie has not been the happy, funny, silly little girl we are used to, and we are at a loss as to what is wrong!

This picture of how she normally is was just taken on Sunday, and she has been fine on weekends and at home at night, but all week she has been crying literally all day, every day at school (they have tried bringing her to me, taking her to Tyler, etc. with no real benefit). What is so sad is that it is not whining, temper crying - it is big ole' crocodile tears, sincerely sad crying and it breaks my heart. Luckily, she did ok at So-So and Ray-Ray's Tuesday night, which allowed Lance and I to get out to watch the Vandy/Florida Senior night basketball game. We had a lot of fun, and are so thankful that they kept them for us, and that the kids love being with them so much that they could care less what we go and do!

Of course I have been "researching" possible reasons for Katie's new behavior and it seems to be normal if the child is new to preschool or newly separating from the parents (which she isn't), but not so much if nothing is different. This was a good summary of all of the things I read - "Separation anxiety can re-occur in older children in response to changing life events such as bullying at school, a bereavement of a loved one, a change of school, parental illness or marital disharmony. This often presents as the child or young person showing distress or fear when they go to school or they may insist that they are with their parent at all times, even to the point of sleeping in the parent’s bed. This is exactly what Katie has been up to, going so far as to wake up this morning and cry to be in bed with us, which is very strange for them. As far as I know, none of those things apply in this situation - there have been no changes, nothing going on with us (the parents), and the teachers say nothing has changed in school. When asked what is wrong all she says is "I want to be with you," or "I don't want you to leave." Interestingly, I did read this too- Is the young person different from the majority of other young people, for example from a different ethnic or religious group?. She is the only Caucasian child in her class, but that has been the case since she was 2 years old so I don't know why that would be an issue now, unless she is just starting to recognize it and feels different and confused. The only other thing I can think it might be is that she has picked out the word "die" lately in some of their songs (surprising how many children's songs talk about it) and says it is a "bad word." I think someone has explained the meaning to her and maybe she is just starting to get a rudimentary understanding of death and how it could affect her or those she loves. I really don't know what to do, so for now we are just going to go with Lance's advice and opinion that it is just a stage that she will soon outgrow, or a time of cognitive development that she will soon sort out.

A decision has to be made about school this week, since sign up starts today. I cannot find any aftercare options for the program at the elementary school they will eventually attend, and know that we can't always be there at 2:30 to pick them up so we are not going to pursue the Metro Pre-K program. We just can't find a way to afford any of the other Pre-K programs we were interested in, so it looks like they will be here for another year and then definitely starting Kindergarten as the youngest in their class. I just don't think two more years in this program would be the best option for them, and prices around here at other preschools are exorbitant for two so we will start them in public school as soon as we can and hope for the best. I am kind of glad that decision time is upon us because I am getting really annoyed talking to admissions folks and program directors (none of them will tell you tuition until you talk to them, schedule a tour, etc. - which just seems like such a waste of time if you know that it is out of your price range). One that I just talked to finally said (after I told her that I would be happy to schedule a tour if I knew that our attending there would be feasible but not until then) that tuition would be $850 a month for the first child and then gave me the fabulous news that the second child is ONLY $845 a month. Wow, thanks for the $5.

$20,000 a year for child care (and that doesn't even include random things like supply fees, field trips, lunches, etc) is just mind-blowing, but it seems that most people we know find a way to do it. It often makes me feel like I am not doing enough to put my kids first when we make the decision that we just don't have reliable enough income from Lance (commission only) to make that big of a financial commitment, or that I am not making enough sacrifices to make it happen. I probably made some friends that I spoke with uncomfortable when asking them about their childcare situations, because I sincerely wanted to know if I was missing out on some big secret of how people are able to send multiple children to the schools that they attend (people who I know are in similar financial situations as us). I was comforted to hear that our friends have had to get really creative to do it if they have more than one child - one friend changed to working part-time only so she doesn't have to pay for before and after care, and family gifts and loans seem to be common (and this made me realize that we are lucky to have the option that we do of them going with me, because without it loans may have been our only choice, too). It does make me feel better, after talking with them, to know that I am not the only one obsessing over this or the only one who wishes for some options in the middle (something that really does seem to be missing - there are either the really high priced, academic oriented places or private schools, or low-income centers that focus primarily on children receiving subsidies - but not much in between)! The in-between folks probably (wisely) decide that working doesn't make sense and choose to stay-at home rather than work to pay for child care, but for a myriad of reasons that is not an option for us, and besides, I really like my job! I think, too, that work helps keep me somewhat grounded. I see what a blessing our center is in the lives of people who are hard working and committed to providing quality education for their children, but who simply cannot afford traditional preschool fees. Our programs really do fill a critical gap for parents who make too much to qualify for social services, but still need affordable care options. I also see, on a daily basis, what need truly is and some of the hardships that other families face, and it makes my issues look pretty trivial.

Laid Back Sunday

It has been a beautiful day today - a little chilly, but nice and sunny for a change! We went to breakfast and then I took the kids out to Bowie park (Lance had to work). Some friends of ours happened to be out there too, so we spent time playing on the playground, feeding the ducks, and enjoying some outdoor time!!! Yesterday was a bit colder (even though we did manage to eat ice cream), so it was back to the Chick Fil A play area and then playing at home after dance class.

Katie is really cracking me up today, even though I have to try to hide my amusement since she is being pretty bad! She didn't make it to the bathroom in time after we got home, but didn't tell me. She just went to the bathroom, stripped off her clothes and then went to find something else to wear. When I asked her why she needed to change she tried to tell me "I just felt like it" but then she ran out of the room and held the door closed trying to keep me from leaving. When I discovered her accident (and got around her superior blocking efforts) she told me "no big deal mom, they were dirty from the park anyway." Then, just now when I was uploading pictures and thought they were playing contentedly with the kitchen in the dining room she comes running up to me and says "who is that upstairs, mom." I jumped up freaking out thinking that someone was in our house (since Lance is still at work), and ordered her to go out the back door before I realized that Tyler was missing. I yelled up for him with no answer and I ran up the stairs to find him hiding under the ottoman in the playroom (he told me he was looking for a flashlight and tried really hard to distract me from the fact that he is not supposed to climb the stairs by himself). Only after my heart rate got back to normal did I realize that Katie was being a little tattle tale AND that she had told Tyler to go upstairs to get the flashlight so they could "look for monsters." Turnabout is fair play, though, since Tyler has a repertoire of "bad" words (not all of them really bad words, just things I don't want them saying) and is always finding creative ways to get Katie to say them and then he is quick to tell on her or make sure I heard her!

I think I have mentioned in other posts that I have given up on fashion with Katie. I let her dress as she wishes most days, and try to embrace that it is a good thing that she thinks she looks fabulous and isn't afraid to stand out. So, that is the reason behind this "perfect" playground ensemble :)!They had a blast at the park! It has been a while since we have been able to get out and they are bigger and more fearless now so it seemed all new!

These little cut-out things are fun now, too because they are definitely in the play pretend stage and can imagine being all the animals depicted, in this case, appropriately, two little turkeys (I think)!

ABC's and 123's!

Well, we did end up getting to go to dinner last Friday and it was great! The kids had a lot of fun at Monkey's Treehouse for Parent's Night Out and we enjoyed a delicious meal, even if we were a little nervous the whole time about the kiddos! Unfortunately, there isn't another Parents Night scheduled anytime soon, but at least now we know that it is doable. We can't fit in dinner and a movie in the time that they keep them, and there are a few we want to see, so maybe this is a step in the right direction for convincing Lance that it might just be ok to get a sitter once in a while if the evening plans aren't too expensive!

Katie impressed me last night and I just had to share. She has been working hard on her letters and numbers, trying to keep up with her brother (who unfortunately is still pretending he doesn't know them anymore unless Katie gets it wrong and he thinks he should correct her). When we were reading at bedtime yesterday she got every letter right (with just a little help on three or four), and counted all of the items on the pages! She was so proud, and I was too! I am very pleased with what they are learning in terms of the curriculum, and they are developing friendships and have great relationships with their teachers and classmates. I still have worries, though, because I don't think it is appropriate for children their age to know about "jail," or to turn toys into "guns," or to be exposed to some things that unfortunately their classmates know way too much about. I know that they will be exposed to all of that stuff eventually and could be even at a different school, but they are so impressionable at this stage and in the next year and that is what makes me nervous. Still, though, I can't find any preschool programs that are affordable for two of them that would be any better, so I am just going to try to be more proactive in talking to them and making sure that they tell me things that I may need to correct or clarify. In the long run, I think they are getting a great education that will give them a great start in school, and I am getting an education on letting go and not being such a worry wart!

We did break down and get a camera charger so look for pictures in future posts!

Date Night (!).......Maybe

We received a gift certificate to one of our favorite restaurants for Christmas (thank you Ray Ray and So So), and have been anxious to have the opportunity to enjoy some good food and not have to worry about telling little ones to sit down, or to use an inside voice, or that they "better actually have to use the bathroom this time." So, when we saw that a place nearby was having a Parents Night Out we decided that it would be fun for the kids and give us the chance to squeeze in dinner. So we made reservations and got the kids signed up, and then last night started trying to plan logistically when Lance admitted that he was nervous and wasn't sure if he wanted to go. That, in turn, made me anxious because his fears aren't completely unfounded (people we don't know watching the children in an active environment with lots of other children). I am torn - I know the kids will have a great time, and I know that we will enjoy some time together than doesn't involve a basketball gym or stadium BUT, I don't really want to spend the money (for the Parents Night Out) and then sit and worry the whole time while we are trying to enjoy our meal. We may just call it off and try to plan something around my birthday when hopefully we can do some advanced planning and find someone that Lance is more comfortable with watching the kids (aka - family - :)).

Nothing much else planned for the weekend. Katie still has dance class for the next couple of months, but other than that there is a chance of snow on Sunday which means cold, dreary and rainy (not even going to get my hopes up that it will be snow instead of rain) so we will either head back over to Monkey Joe's or find something to do indoors. I can't wait for it to get a little warmer so we can start playing outside and going to the zoo again, although Lance took a job with a new company and has to work on Saturday and Sundays now and my tennis season starts mid-March so I don't know how we are going to do it all! Katie will have dance class right when my tennis matches will be and Lance will need to be at work on Saturdays before I am back from tennis and Tyler isn't old enough to watch himself - I guess we are going to get some practice learning how to juggle lots of activities which I am sure is in our future as the kids get older. Either that, or we need to get better at asking for help! We still haven't located the camera charger so we'll have to continue to make do with poor quality pictures, but if we get into anything fun this weekend I'll be sure to snap a few!

Tyler completed his participation in the Vanderbilt research study yesterday. He did great and told me repeatedly that he had a good day. He really enjoyed being there and you could tell he felt like a big kid and was proud of himself (and he really likes the dinosaur prize he got at the end). He is back to doing his shy thing where he hides his face and clings to either Lance or me, but for some reason he was just chatty and open with the doctors and researchers over there. He got to eat lunch with me and Lance, So So and Ray Ray after his appointment and was having a really special day until he realized that we were in fact going to school. He tells me he doesn't like school (other than saying that he does like the playing outside part), and is resistant to go pretty much everyday - BUT he never wants to leave when I pick him up in the afternoons so I am thinking it's not that bad :)! Spending one on one time with Tyler is always fun because you really get to talk to and listen to him and the way he interprets things and sees the world is funny and interesting, and often makes you stop and think too. He is very matter-of-fact and isn't afraid to tell other children on the playground, or in his class, or even adults how things should be done, or what they should or shouldn't be doing. A boy who was about 6 years old at Chic fil a was being mean and Tyler told him "it's not nice to do that," his teacher was having trouble with something and Tyler finally looked at her and said "what are you trying to do, you need to ask for help" (something we tell him all the time to try to keep him from getting frustrated), and the funniest was yesterday when he was trying to tell me something and Katie just kept talking and talking (and he had been reprimanded the night before for saying shut up and then saying be quiet meanly) and he looked at her and said "Katie, you need to slow your mouth down!" They are too funny and I know I need to remember these times when they are fighting over a chance to talk to me since I am sure there will come a time when I am begging them to tell me what they think and how they spent their day!

Saturday Fun!

Today has already been a big day for the kids! Lance and Tyler went to College Game Day at Memorial Gym in preparation for the big game against Kentucky tonight.

Katie had dance class this morning and although they haven't gotten their costumes yet, they are talking about the recital in May and getting excited!

This afternoon they are headed to So-So and Ray's Ray's so Lance and I can go to the game. They humored us by saying Go Vandy, but they are much more excited about playing with their grandparents!

We think we left the camera charger in Gatlinburg, so the pictures are really poor quality from the ipod. The kids love it though, because they can take their own picture!

Strong-Willed!

I should have expected it, but just as soon as I had the thought that "this is a good stage" in terms of the behavior of the kids - things changed! Katie was in "time-out" for about 20 minutes yesterday after what started as a 3 minute stint. A minute was added on every time she got out of time-out, yelled or hit (the original offense). My awesome hubby who has willingly done dinner, baths and bedtime many nights the last few weeks while I have played tennis and done bootcamp, was the enforcer this time. I usually put her in her room after a couple of times of her getting out of the designated spot, but the walls and doors in our house have really taken a beating lately and they are inevitably kicked and pounded if she is put in her room to "cool down." Lance is better at staying calm and just putting her back in her spot and telling her that is another minute (when I would be shrieking and yelling even though I know I shouldn't - I guess I know where she gets it). She certainly has a temper, and her willpower will serve her well eventually, but right now it is patience testing!

Tyler doesn't openly defy us as much as Katie, but he certainly is displaying his displeasure lately. He is still whining more than usual, and will throw himself down to have a temper tantrum when things frustrate him or don't go his way. We went through a spell a while back where we told him that we couldn't "hear" whining and that seemed to work so we may need to go back to that and the ignore method to reinforce that "big boys do not whine." I am still a bit concerned about Tyler and school, but I know I shouldn't be. He knows all of his letters, letter sounds, numbers, colors, shapes, etc. but lately has started acting like he doesn't. He will either think it is funny to say the wrong thing, or act like he doesn't know it with a sly grin (unless Katie is trying to tell us something that he knows is wrong and then he "helps" her, much to her chagrin). I think there are two big reasons - one is that he is just discovering humor and is a silly little boy who thinks making up words, and giving silly answers is hilarious. The other is that I think he is just over it. He knows the lessons that are being taught and is ready to move on, but the rest of the class still needs to focus on letters, sounds and numbers. So, he is entertaining himself in lieu of being challenged to learn anything new.

I have to apologize, again, for a pictureless post. As I mentioned above, Lance has virtually been a single parent the last two weeks and we haven't had much time during the week or otherwise to do much of anything. This weekend, though, the kids are visiting So-So and Ray-Ray (YEAH) while we go to the Kentucky/Vandy game, so I can't make any promises for the next posts - but SOON!