Discipline

I admit it - when I thought about how Lance and I would parent I thought I would be the disciplinarian and Lance would be the pushover. In reality, it seems we are both pushovers! The difference is that it doesn't drive him crazy to hear or deal with the whining, "no mama" yelling, hitting, and complete obstinance whereas I am often on the verge of a complete breakdown mid tantrum. I know that a lot of it is just something that I need to deal with - mom guilt, competitive parenting, and all that jazz. I don't want bratty children, I want them to be safe and understand that when I say no I mean no (and usually for a very good reason), I want them to be fun and pleasant to be around - wah, wah, wah (I know). I realize that is what everyone wants, but I still can't stop myself from worrying that our inability to find a discipline technique that works now is setting us up for even bigger problems down the road. Yesterday's debacle is a good example. It is getting harder and harder to manage the kids leaving school on my own and I just can't think of a good solution. We left the classroom and there is a water fountain right by the door that the kids love. I told them before we left the class that we weren't getting water and that we had some in the car (I know from experience that it is a neverending cycle of Katie's turn, Tyler's turn, now Katie's turn, last time,etc). They said ok and then proceeded to jerk their hands away and race to the fountain the minute the door opened. They each got a turn and then I grabbed Katie's hand and had to pick up Tyler and was walking them toward the door when Katie threw herself down (and a meeting was going on with everyone watching) and yelled that she needed more water. Tyler then starting kicking and hitting me and I couldn't hold on to him anymore. When I finally got them to the door they asked if they could get down and since I have a really hard time holding them both I said yes, but you have to hold my hand and they both repeated it and seemed to understand. Well, we got out the door and Katie plopped down and started throwing her shoes and Tyler wrenched his arm out of my grasp and ran to the road. I left Katie sitting against the wall and went to grab Tyler and got down eye level and told him no. Went back to get Katie and finally got to the car to put Tyler in his seat and Katie was standing at my legs on the floor of the van. Tyler was fighting getting in his seat and I was virtually on top of him holding him down trying to get the straps on when Katie decided to climb away and got into the front seat. She grabbed the keys and was closing and locking the doors so I left Tyler just sitting in his seat unbuckled and went to get Katie. Same fight ensued with trying to get Katie to sit down and by this time Tyler was out of his seat and in the front seat. When I finally wrestled them in (and somehow managed not to have child services called on me for what looked and sounded like I was wrestling cats) and got in the car they were then in foul moods and whined and yelled the entire drive home. Nothing I said or did could get them to stop, but that is manageable - the parking lot shenanigans are not. The only thing I can think to do is to get those backpack leashes but that still doesn't get them in the carseats (at least it will keep them in reach in the very busy parking lot though). This scenario is played over and over again these days now that they have learned that while I am distracted with one the other can get away with a lot more. Time-outs, firm no, spankings, rewards and praise for good things - nothing seems to work. I think Tyler is cutting his molars which has made him a little grumpier, but he is also learning that he has definite opinions and only wants to do what he wants. It is so frustrating to not know what we are doing wrong - and if one more person tells me to just wait that it gets worse at 3 I think I am going to scream. I do recognize that one thing that I should not be doing is giving in (like with the water fountain), but I literally cannot keep them both away from it on my own and they are active little things who know how to maneuver out of holds and to slide into position when I pick up the other! I have read some books about it and everything says that time out works well right now, but not for my two. They usually laugh and talk while in there and then the other asks or puts themselves in time-out too. They don't have anything that they just love (still don't watch any particular dvd, no blankie that they carry around, etc.) that we can take away as a consequence. This kind of thing isn't happening all the time, or even as often as I think that it does with a lot of kids (and especially twins), but when they do it is what concerns me because I have no way to gain control or threaten to get them to behave when they are doing something unsafe! Sorry for the super long post if anyone got this far - it feels good to rant and I am sure Lance is sick of being the only one to hear me obsess about it! They had a sub teacher in their class the last two days and she said - those two sure are smart (I agree, of course), they are going to give you trouble - I guess that "trouble" has begun!