The differences in twins

Before I had the babies I read articles about not being depressed if your baby was unhappy or not as "perfect" as you imagined and I frankly thought those books and tidbits were quite silly. My naive thoughts ran toward well, of course babies cry and if you think your baby is going to be the newborn you see on movies and tv you are crazy BUT, now I know what they were cautioning about. One of my babies is relatively happy, cries when infants typically cry - when wet, when hungry, when tired and during the witching hours for no particular reason whatsoever and I expected that. She will let out gut wrenching shrieks and cries that you think should shatter glass, but she will also reward you with an hour of bright eyed playing and and tenative practice smiles that will melt your heart. The other whines, fusses, and grumbles constantly when he is not asleep with no real identifiable reason other than wanting to be held which often doesn't even work to quiet the rumbling! He rarely wants to use us has his entertainment and has had very, very few "smiles." Until last night when a friend commented on the baby of another friend I could not put my finger on exactly what was bothering me about Tyler and his fussiness and general discontent - she said to my other friend "your baby is so happy," and then I knew - I am afraid that Tyler is unhappy. You don't realize that there is a real association with how happy your baby is and what kind of parent you are perceived to be - if your baby is crying or upset everyone thinks you are doing something wrong or tries to find a reason i.e., his tummy is upset, he is hungry, he is cold, hot, you should pick him up, you should not pick him up, you name it - people want to find a reason for a fussy baby. I am coming to the conclusion that sometimes the reason is simply because he wants to cry or he is just so not amused by not being able to communicate or get what he wants that he is going to fuss about it! When you think of babies you think of giggles and smiles and coos and bright, happy eyes and sure the occasional crying, but you never envision a serious little being who seems downright reluctant to be happy. I am hoping this is just a phase and it is part of the colicky type of crying and fussing that is normal until 3 months old or so, but if not, if I do have a serious little thinker rather than a baby who lights up the room with smiles and laughs I think I'll have a pretty good idea where he gets it, and it isn't from his dad!
I love my little Tyler so, so much - please don't think I am even hinting at favoring one over the other - I just think it is natural with twins to be able to see the differences pretty easily and to make comparisons. I think for many, many years to come I'll be questioning our parenting, trying to get to know these little ones and trying my damndest not to make them anything they aren't or judge them for not being exactly what I expected them to be - and right now I am really beginning to think that God is using Tyler to try to teach me the patience that I know will be more than necessary in the years to come!

My Sweet Little Babies!